Monday, October 24, 2016

I'm over it. I'm alright.

I’m writing this with a few hours left to spare on my VPN service before I gotta suffer the next few days without being connected to the world.

Sometimes during my trip, I thought about taking down my previous post about Sam and how he played me. I thought it might have been a little too personal to share online and it might even be embarrassing, but then I felt… I want to remember this event in my life. I want to remember how I felt about Sam and how I felt about Janet. I mean, sure I could leave it in draft mode but the OCD in me would get very annoyed by that.

I purchased a VPN service during my time in China because we all know about the lack of internet freedom there. I found out Snapchat doesn’t allow you to add friends if you’re behind a VPN server. Early into my trip, I saw a notification that Janet added me on Snapchat and I wasn’t able to accept her until I was in Hong Kong (which was about 2.5 weeks after she sent me the request).

At this point, I thought, alright, Janet probably just wanted to keep in touch with me. She was so disgusted and angry at Sam, I believed her when she said she wouldn’t take Sam back and I think she made the right move. I’m not saying this because I dislike her or anything, I’m saying this because I think Janet doesn’t deserve being cheated on by a lying scumbag, and Sam deserves to lose us both.

When I finally added her back on Snapchat, she was quiet for a few days before uploading her stories. At first, it was just random stuff like food, nails, everyday life, etc. Just a few days ago, I watched her story and saw pictures of gifts, love notes, big rose bouquets but I didn’t think anything of it – I thought, maybe her friends are still trying to cheer her up, or maybe she found someone new to date.

Regardless, I didn’t look into it. Eventually, another day passed and another story came up.

Well, guys…

Janet and Sam are back together.

And I know, I assume you think I’m bitter over it or jealous.

But, in all honestly, I’m alright. I thought I would feel hurt or jealous but I’m not. I guess this one month away from all the drama made me get over Sam real quick. I forgave him, I felt indifferent about him and then I started feeling angry (way before I saw those snaps).

I get it. I get that it’s hard to walk away from someone you love. I get that you want to work it through and it’s not my position to say anything because I don’t know the two of them. But, if anything, I’m just disappointed that Janet went against her words and took Sam back when he didn’t deserve her one bit.

I don’t think this relationship would last. They had a lot of arguments before I was in the picture. Regardless of how well Sam is trying to make up for his mistake, I think Janet will always have doubt in the back of her mind. She’s always going to be reminded of me and what Sam and I did together. If she gets over it, hey, happy couple, but personally, I don’t know many people who could ever get over being cheated on that badly.

If anything, I’m more annoyed/pissed off that Janet has the audacity to add me on Snapchat… during the time the two of them probably got back together. It’s like… alright, so you guys fixed your problems, what do you still want from me? We obviously don’t have the common interest of disliking Sam anymore… sooooo… why are you adding me on Snapchat?

Are you using it to keep tabs on me in case I get in contact with Sam? Are you using it to rub it in my face that you and Sam are together again?

Kendel told me it’s a female thing to be very competitive. Sadly for her, if her motive was to prove a point to me, it’s a little too late… my dislike for Sam leaves no room for any sympathy or interest in a pathological liar anymore and her constant need to upload videos/photos of the two of them together isn’t working on me.

That being said, deleting Janet off my Snapchat and her number off my phone marks the end of this “dramatic” event of my life. Whatever they want to do, whatever they want to argue about or pretend I never happened in their relationship is up to them. All I know is that, I’m happy, I’m alright, and more importantly, Sam has no power in ever hurting me or making me jealous again.

Side note: I don’t care if this makes me look petty AF but Facebook came through with this news article right at the time I discovered about Sam and Janet’s reunion (bonus points: Janet lives in the suburb of Burnaby). I passively aggressively shared it on my Snapchat for Janet to see.

Update: After writing this and just moments before I was about to delete Janet off Snapchat, she uploaded something new to her story. Curious to what it is this time, I opened it.

… she screenshotted her conversations with Sam and uploaded them on Snapchat. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that happen on Snapchat before and it made me cringe. I told Kendel that it’s obvious she’s trying to shove it in my face, or she’s so insecure about the relationship, she needs the world to know how happy they are… because I did remember reading a few articles about how couples that overshare themselves on the internet are insecure and generally unhappy. If you read the messages Sam sent, it reeks of desperation. I would feel uncomfortable receiving those kind of messages. It seems that Sam needs to constantly remind Janet of his feelings or she’d run away again.

Regardless of what her motives were to add me on Snapchat, I promptly deleted her. I’m still on vacation so I don’t know if she’s going to keep in touch with me when I get back home.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Apparently I'm a 33 years old newly wed

It's only Wednesday and this week cannot go by any faster.

So, before I begin, let me warn you: this post is going to be long. Like, brew yourself a tea sort of long.


In my previous posts, I may have mention a guy named Sam here and there. Sam and I met at the gym where I was previously employed and when I quit the gym, I'm not going to lie, a part of me was bummed out I'd never see this guy again.

We hit it off very well and naturally, we agreed to hang out outside of the gym and one thing led to another and yuuup, we were at that stage where we were pretty much like a couple but without the titles.

And, you're probably thinking, oh my gosh Jess, just tell us more about this Sam guy! Your tweets and previous posts has got me intrigued.

Well, ladies (and gentlemen), there's nothing else to say about Sam.

As of Monday, we're over.

And you know what?

We ended in the most brutal way possible.

He was in a relationship of 1.5 years.

Let's just call her Janet.

On Monday afternoon, my phone was getting bombarded with a phone call of an unfamiliar number. I don't know about you guys, but I hesitate to answer any unknown phone calls if I don't expect anything (eg. I never applied for any jobs). I Googled and Facebook this number because this person called three times already within the span of 15 minutes and didn't leave a voicemail or text message. Anyways, I finally picked up and...

It was Janet. Asking me if I'm Jess and I was Sam's girlfriend.

I thought, holy crap, Sam must be in trouble or something. So I naturally asked who is this, what is this regarding, etc.

And she said, "Umm, my name is Janet and I'm Sam's girlfriend."

I'm sorry, I didn't realized my life has become a fucking movie right now. THIS SHIT ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVIES.

So, Janet and I talked for about an hour or so. Ladies, she's not a bitch. Honestly, my girl friends were telling me that I'm lucky because I could've been dealing with a total bitch/psycho. Regardless, we talked. She told me how she got my number. She told me her relationship with Sam. She asked a lot of questions and I told her the truth.

She told me Sam was on his way to meet up with her, and that she's going to confront him. I'm not going to lie, hearing this stung me. All this time I thought when we weren't hanging out after work, he was probably heading home...

The funniest question Janet asked me was, "Are you 33? Are you recently married and working at xyz?"

Because that's what Sam told her when she asked who was I. Can you believe it? I'm a 33 years old newly wed according to Sam. 

I spent the night crying.

Sam led me to believe we were a couple with a future. He did things I thought was the sweetest. He went above and beyond what most guys did for me in the past. He was sweet, charming, funny. He was essentially, the perfect package for me.

And, it turns out, it was all a lie.

He cheated on me. He cheated on her. I was a side girl.

Being played and cheated on is the worst way to end a relationship. This hurts more a regular break up. I mean, sure, Sam and I have only been seeing each other for a few months but it sucks to think that these past few months were based off of lies.

To know that we walked into the gym, eyed me up and down and chose me to be his side girl?

After all those times I pestered him (when we first talked talking) if he has a girl and he said no. When I joked about how I can't believe nobody wants to date him and how he's still single. When I told him I really like him and he said same. When he called me babe and send sweet things.

It hurts. It hurts that all those times he could have confessed to me he was in love with another girl. It hurts to know that he deliberately and continuously lied to me from the start. From the moment we said hi at the gym.

It hurts to know that he will choose her over me. That he essentially cares more about her than me. And it stings to know that he spends the night at my place, and the moment he leaves, he calls her on his drive back home.

It sucks to know that Janet lives ten minutes away from me (by driving). It sucks that when he was naked in my bed, he was probably sending a message to Janet (and vice versa).

I feel like an idiot right now. We talked about the future a lot.

He never once did anything to doubt we weren't moving into a serious relationship. 

At the same time, I can't even imagine what Janet feels like.
I wasn't just a one night stand or a casual fling. I was someone Sam developed strong feelings for. Image being in Janet's shoes and knowing that your boyfriend of 1.5 years has treated someone so well that she believed they're moving forward.

I can't say I'm the biggest victim here. Janet is the biggest victim here. She's the one that is hurting the most. But I'm hurting as well.

It just sucks to know that Sam is trying so hard to repair the relationship with Janet when he hasn't spoken a single word to me.

But, Janet and I have been talking. We've answered all there is about each other relationship with Sam. If anything, Janet and I can be true friends. It's weird but it happens. I'm not mad at her and she's not mad at me. As a matter of fact, Janet and I share a lot in common in personal experiences and interests.

It disgusts me to know how easily someone can lie to someone lie that. How easy it is to go up to a girl and blatantly tell her, I enjoy the single life, I'm single AF. It's disgusting to see how easy he can spend a night at my place and spend the next night at Janet's. Or all those times he led me to believe he's out with his friends.

How do people lie so much and so easily without any remorse?


My heart isn't broken again but it's bruised. Being played like that really hurts to the point where I feel like I'm going to be so hesitant about any future guys.

All this anger and hurt inside me has subsided. I feel like I can forgive him soon.
I'm happy Janet called me. I can't imagine how much pain I'd feel if this continued on for several months.

Right now,

I'm meeting up with Sam tomorrow so I can get things off my chest and he can return a card.
And after that this weekend, Janet wants the three of us to meet up so the truth can come once in for all. And after that, I'd be deleting Sam's contact info and social media.


I'm going to take all the interviews I can to get a teaching position overseas. I'm going to work towards my TELF certification and just get out of this town. I'm so tired of having my heart kicked around in town, and I've made enough excuses to stay in this town already.

And, to the perfect timing, I get a month vacation to China and Hong Kong to just dick around, shoot photography, and have fun. That's the best way to get over someone.

Saturday, September 17, 2016


On Wednesday, September 14th, 2016...

I finished my last final exam of my undergrad and applied for graduation.

Which only means one thing...

I finished my Bachelor's.

I finished my last research paper on Monday and wrote my exam on Wednesday.

Oh my god, it's so weird to know I'm done... I mean, sure, I didn't get the confirmation email from my school yet but the fact that I'm completely done is insane! I don't know what to do with all my free time since I no longer got school!

This is one hour before writing my exam!

And, of course, my license is close to expiring so I had to get it renewed... after tears of happiness of handing in my final exam, haha.

So, what are my plans right now?

I'm going on a month vacation right now.

But once I come back, I'm not sure if I should...
a) go back to school and get a diploma in Web Development (6 months program)
b) start my HR career
c) complete my certificate to teach English as a Foreign Language and move abroad for a year or so....

I hope my vacation clears up my mind in deciding what to do...
But for now, I'm enjoying the free time I have and looking forward to jumping onto that plan soon!

Monday, August 29, 2016

If We Were on a Coffee Date | Vol. 4

If we were on a coffee date... I'd tell you that I have only two courses left of my undergrad and I'm already 70% done them all.

If we were on a coffee date... you'll know I have become an 'entrepreneur' thanks to my new job (more on this later!).

If we were on a coffee date... I would tell you that I finished my first ever photoshoot with one my of good friends Sergio last week!

If we were on a coffee date... I'd tell you that I'm considering starting a photography side business :/

If we were on a coffee date... I'd tell you ALL about this boy named Sam.

If we were on a coffee date... I'll also be telling you I may or may not be going to China (again....) for a month!

If we were on a coffee date... I'd tell you I'm in the chats with a few schools in China to teach English abroad in the next few months or early 2017!

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Guys, I'm on Tinder

Long ago, I was on Tinder and had my first Tinder meet up which needless to say, it was the sole reason I ended up deleting the app. Now, keep this in mind though, I think a few years ago, Tinder was solely a hook up app - nowadays, I feel a lot of users are using Tinder to legitimately meet new people and potentially start a relationship. It's practically normal to hear people on Tinder.

Prior to Tinder, I reactivated my account on OkCupid and that lasted less than a week. I don't know what I was thinking because the dating pool was awful and only guys that I would never in a million years date would message me.


I don't even know what crossed his mind when he thought he could possibly land a date with an intro like that... I mean, are you 16 years old or something?

Umm... first of all, you're well over the age of what my profile said to message me. Second of all, I am more than an 8/10. Third of all, what kind of pick me up is that? Fourth of all, you're really not my type. I remember cringing when I read his profile.

So, it's safe to say that OkCupid is officially dead to me. A lot of my co workers talked me into getting on Tinder and I shared with them my previous experience and they reassured me that many users are now using Tinder to meet people and no longer an exclusive hook up app. He told me he came across a lot of female profiles that explicitly stated no hook ups.

I thought my co workers were bullshitting until I realized even the some of the guys' profiles says no hooks up. It's so strange that within a last few years, Tinder went from a shady hook up app to an app that genuinely is about meeting new people for hook ups, dates, hang outs, etc.

The guys I've chatted with are amazing. I mean, some are dull, some are not my type, and some are shitty, but nonetheless, my experience with Tinder is going great so far.

A little too... eager for me... and the last message? Cringe.

Back story: I matched with Dave and thought he was a pretty attractive guy and convo was going great so we decided to exchange numbers and agreed to meet up.

I took it upon myself to Facebook stalk him (He has an Irish name which made it 100000x easier) and saw more pictures and realized... eh. I know I sound very shallow but let's be real - Tinder is based on a physical attraction match prior to personality.

Luckily, the day we agreed to meet up, he texted me saying he couldn't make it which made me SO. HAPPY. SO. DAMN. HAPPY. Because I was dreading meeting him for coffee for the entire day.

As you can tell... he was still keen on meeting up, up until last Friday.

A few weeks ago, I texted Kendel telling her I agreed to meet up with Jonathan. Jonathan happened to be the guy after Dave and I told Kendel all about my dreading the coffee date and how thrilled I was that Dave cancelled.

Isn't it wonderful to have such a great friend that doesn't want you to end up single with 14 dogs?

I was actually excited to meet with Jonathan. We went for coffee and grabbed a quick snack and chatted well over 2 hours. I'm hesitant that it most likely won't work out because I'm not Asian enough for him (he's got yellow fever, haha). His face completely fell when I told him I don't speak Chinese at all. He did invite me over to build a London bus with him with nano blocks sooo we'll see how that goes.

Just a few days ago, I agreed to meet with Justin. 
Oh boy, let me tell you about Justin...

(Is it me or is there a trend with J's? Will I be one of those cliche couples that has matching initials?!).

Justin is a software developer (hullllozzz) with wonderful bright blue eyes like the sky - and I'm a sucker for coloured eyes. We met at Steamworks and chatted over dinner.

My friend,  a Tinder expert, told me to avoid guys without a biography in their profiles because it usually means they're douches and want a hook up. I took the whim anyways and swiped right. In addition, Justin and I barely talked for a week when we agreed to meet up and if you went through out conversation, we never talked about ourselves, just random shit. 

I was about 1/10 hesitant in meeting him because I didn't know anything him. Nothing at all, not even his job.

Anyways, to my surprise, Justin and I clicked on very well

As in, as someone that LOVES history, photography, travels, sushi, castles, space, horror films, etc., etc., Justin loves them as well. Insane, eh? 

What are the chances? Justin is the first guy to ever share so many interests with me. It's so refreshing to geek over cameras and express my love and interests in Medieval torturing techniques and not be seen as a geek or creep.

The only thing we disagreed on was snow and snow activities. I hate snow and skiing/snowboarding.. he loves them. 

If I'm being honest, Justin is probably the only one I'm interested in seeing again.

I learned in today's age, you can't jump to conclusions so quickly and have high hopes in dating.

But, I'd keep you guys updated on Justin and Jonathan.
And whoever I end up matching with and having a great time.

Tinder is quite amusing.