Sunday, October 6, 2013

Let's talk serious: PROUD MEMBER OF THE ITTY BITTY TITTY COMMITTEE! [NSFW]

*This post is marked as NSFW because it contains contents about breasts! There is, however, NO photos. So... just, go away if you're here for those pictures....

Have you noticed how society is constantly changing? That includes society norms too.

The topic about breast, more importantly, small boobs, came to me when I noticed how so many, and I mean, A LOT of girls feel insecure about their boobs (and body). Girls on the Internet when I browse Tumblr and girls I know in real life.

As a member of the 'itty bitty titty' group (I'm a 34A/36A), I'm here to try to get you to accept your body and share my journey with you.

I'm open about everything in my life and I TRY not to compare myself to other girls but sometimes I do. A lot of people think I'm confident about the way I look and 90% of the times I agree but there are occasions when I do compare myself to another girl and feel... bitter about myself. We've all been there.

I don't like to stereotype but I have encountered many Asian girls with B+ cup sizes and Caucasian girls with A cups. But, being Asian, I do have A cup sizes, the smallest in my (extended) family and I personally think it's due to my diet during puberty (my mum and every girl in my extended family is pretty much a natural B cup). After getting out the puberty years, the only time my boobs will ever grow again is probably when I'm pregnant. (and I'm only 19 years old right now... ps. turning 20 in 14 days!)

Actress, Emma Stone.
Growing up, I didn't think much about breast. I mean, I knew I'll eventually get them but I didn't care about the size. It never occurred to me that society cares so much about boob sizes. Throughout high school, my style was extremely casual and barely showed any cleavage (I mean... we're in high school, c'mon). By the time I reached graduation, I knew my boobs stopped growing and accepted the fact that I was a 32A. I didn't mind, I felt like... well, at least I got something, LOL.

During the last few years of high school, I dated someone named Adam* and he was my first boyfriend, and also the one to lose my virginity to. That being said, he's the first guy to ever see me naked. I later saw pictures of his most recent ex, Kelsey* (at that time) and thought, holy crap, she's... beautiful. And eventually, I got self- conscious about myself. She was pretty, tall, and had bigger boobs that I did. I thought, well... Adam got out of a relationship with her and I'm nowhere compared to her, especially in the chest department which was probably more "fun" in bed. Eventually, I don't know how, but I got over it. I realized, she's probably pretty with all her make-up, and Adam made it clear that he loves my breast, despite the small size.

After graduation (and breaking up with Adam), I got a whole new change in style and overall confidence. I started university and met a lot of new people and that's when I noticed my style changed a lot. My entire closet is consisting of low-cut shirts and tank tops. I'm not ashamed of that because I can't find "conservative" clothes that I like (I mean, I do have sweaters, pull overs, plaid/denim shirts, etc). Also, just to make it clear, I'm extremely comfortable with low cut, v necks, etc. tops - I don't wear them for attention or to feel sexy.

Because I updated my entire wardrobe, most shirts showed cleavage which I never showed before and got a lot of guys talking to me. I'm a picky person when it comes to love (and sex/making out) so despite the compliments, nothing happened. But I've noticed how many guys talked to me now compared to then. And you know what, my boobs only went one size up to a 34A... somewhere from the day I left high school til now. Somewhere along that period, my boobs grew somehow which made them slightly bigger than back in high school.

Singer, Lana  Del Rey.
Eventually, I met someone else named Lewis*. Despite his occasional comments like "Damn, look at her boobs" when we're watching a movie, to the rudest ones "Don't you wish you had tits like that?", thanks to Lewis (don't worry, I ended it. He was a jackass), I learned that guys don't care about size. As long as there's something to squeeze and touch, they're fine with whatever size. Don't get me wrong, just because I realized that doesn't mean I'm 100% comfortable yet.

Fast forward to my 19th birthday and being legal. I can finally hit the clubs. I dressed sexy; cleavage showing but when I first entered a club... I just thought, holy crap, all these girls' boobs look like they're about to pop out. I didn't mind, I still got guys hitting on me at the club, but I just realized how girls uses their rack to get attention and how guys fall for that.

With my current boyfriend, I feel extremely comfortable in my skin when I'm with him. He has never made me uncomfortable with my choices and my size. However, I know his past included party girls, you know, girls with big tits popping out and he knows a lot of girls that has big chest. Sometimes, I feel extremely unhappy with myself because in my head, I'll think he's comparing a girl to me. He gives me no reason to why I should assume that but I guess it's insecurity that we all have.

Whenever I see pictures of girls (especially Asians) with racks that are bigger than an A cup, I feel self conscious... extremely self conscious to the point where I actually think about getting implants (not to boost myself to like a DD but I guess like a 32B or 34B). I get jealousy because sometimes I feel that men will obviously choose the one with a bigger rack; I get jealous over the fact that they get to wear certain dresses and tops that only looks flattering with bigger chest. I end up sleeping on that feeling. I have nothing against implants but growing up, I was taught that implants were a no-no because they're fake, and eventually making you into a fake person. 

Whenever I hit rock bottom to consider implants (this is a personal opinion. Rock bottom for me is considering implants but like I said, I have nothing against that and I mean no disrespect for those who has done the surgery), I end up sleeping on it and waking up to reasons why I love my small chest. It a bad habit for me to look at photos of girls' night out and I've cut back on it so my confidence hasn't been low in a while. I stopped blaming my poor youth diet and accepted the fact that I'm an A cup. I have a boyfriend that doesn't make me self-conscious and I need to be more grateful about that. He loves every inch of me and I couldn't be happier. I know he's been with other girls that were... bigger than me, but in the end, he's still happy with me and he's with me, not her

I love my small breast because:
  • I feel like guys are interested in me for me. Not because of my body. 
  • Despite my cleavage not being as big and 'out there' as other girls, I think my cleavage is cute and sexy. Cute because most small things are cute (LOL) and sexy because you only see the top of it and makes you wonder. Some girls literally have their entire racks out in the open.
  • Cute bras! Teehee. 
  • I still get to wear "cute teen graphic shirts" without stretching them out.
  • I can go without a bra and not have people giving me the stank eye... though, I don't do that in public.
  • I can go to places without being bothered by horny guys.
  • That being said, I don't have to endure stares.
  • Small boobs = more comfort laying on my stomach!
  • Also, running or anything similar to that isn't a problem :P
  • It suits me. I'm a small girl, 5'1. My fingers are small, my feet are small, my entire body is small! In the end, it's just all proportions.
  • Oh, one of my favourite one is probably it fits perfectly into my boyfriend's hands.
Haha, too much information?

But in all seriousness, my journey isn't over. I still overcome jealousy and doubts about my body but I am accepting myself better than I did before. In the end, with boobs (and the rest of your body), men will love you for you. They honestly don't care about size... and you know what, if they do, you know that they're in it for sex and nothing more. I've read dozens of bigger breast women wishing they have smaller breast because of all the reasons to love them. I've read hundreds of men telling the truth that they don't care about sizes.

Ladies, trust me when I say love your boobs! Sure, there will be days when you feel unhappy with them but there's nothing wrong with small boobs. Embrace your body and soon, the world will love you for you.

One thing that helped me A LOT to overcome my self-consciousness about small boobs is this Tumblr blog named The Itty Bitty Titty Committee (NSFW; contains images). It's has pictures of real women with their small chest, confessions from men and women AND a collection of celebrities that embraced their small chest. Wonderful site and highly recommended.

2 comments:

  1. I read this from beginning to end, and just like you... I am granted with small chest. I've never had much of a hard time as you, I never enjoyed clubbing. I am not shaming you for it, but I guess being in an environment where I am not exposed to that makes me unaware.

    However thanks for the little boosts of things that are great about me, cause its a nice feeling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I cut down on my clubbing so my self esteem isn't fluctuating as much as before but I get somewhat down when I see clothes that I can't fit, haha. #girlissues

      Delete

Hi! Thanks for taking the time to comment on my blog; I really do appreciate it and love reading the comments I receive from you guys! ♥