Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Age gaps in relationships


I shipped Serena+Nate BIG time during GG.
Being Asian and being surrounded by Asian friends, I've came to realize that in Asian cultures, age in relationships doesn't really matter.

I've read many stories of 10+ year gaps with some couples. That caught me off guard because most couples I know in real life have less than 10 years age gap. My parents, for example, have a 5/6 years age gap. My boyfriend and I have a 4 years age gap (although my birthday is in October and his is in January, people easily assume it's a 5 years gap but if you calculate by our birth year, it's only 4). A lot of my friends are in a 1-3 years gap and some are just a few months apart. 

The biggest age gap I know in real life is probably the 10 years gap between my classmate and her boyfriend (she's 21 and her boyfriend is 31) and the second biggest is an old friend and her boyfriend (she's 20 and her boyfriend is about 27/28). I got a bit turned off because I can't imagine why a nearly 30 years old man would want to be with a teenager but eventually I learned to accept it and it wasn't my place to judge.

I was with a guy for about a year and a half and he was six years my senior. To my embarrassment and regret, I also "hooked up" (it only lasted a few days) with a 30 years old, someone that was 11 years my senior. My cousin ended up finding out and he literally said "I'm not blaming you because you're young but that guy is f**ked up for going after a teenager!". The 30 years old guy told me he acknowledges our age difference and he really did like me and wanted a relationship but I felt extremely uncomfortable after knowing his age (he had Asian genes which made him look younger than his age). 

With my current boyfriend*, we went out with a few of his friends he hasn't seen in months. They were aware of me but we never met. One of his friends asked how old I was and I replied, "I'm 19 years old." and he nodded; however, his girlfriend started laughing and said, "Wow, (boyfriend's name*), I didn't know you decided to rock the crib." [In BC, the legal age is 19].

I don't think my boyfriend was offended by it but needless to say, I had a bad first impression on her AND I was a bit pissed off at her for making an unnecessary comment.

For me, an ideal boyfriend is someone that also has to be older than me. I don't care if it's older by one month, but I still prefer someone older than me (but not too old, haha). I feel secure and safe when I'm with someone older. I just get really... odd and uncomfortable if I dated someone younger. And yes, back in high school, I turned a guy down because his birthday was two months after mines.

But, love is love, right? I'm not in a position to judge a couple with a 15 years age gap. As long as they're happy, they're happy. I'm not going to lie, I will feel uncomfortable at first but by the time I get to know the person/couple, I usually accept the age difference. In the end, they've found someone to love and that's all that matters. Society has come a long way and age shouldn't be a shock to anyone now.

What are you thoughts in age gaps? Should we find someone closer or our age or let love take over and ignore age differences?

Look at these beautiful people.. ughanhjeabgtrhuairtebw!

*PS: I know that I haven't shared my boyfriend's name for some time and that's because he doesn't know I blog and if I were to use his name, I feel like... I don't know, I feel like I'm betraying him in some way. I know there are about a million people with the same name and the only way people will know who exactly he is, is if they know me and tie the connection. But nonetheless, until I feel comfortable to let him know I blog, I might just continue with Boyfriend, or S. or I don't know, make something up?? Any suggestions for this situation?

1 comment:

  1. I personally think that age gaps don't matter...too much :) What will be, will be. I tend to go for the older ones as well. I would be comfortable dating someone one year younger than me as well, but not any more than that. However, I was also with someone who was thirty (eleven years my senior) and I did NOT feel comfortable. Not with the age gap, necessarily, but just with the person himself...as mean as that is to say. He was an odd one. I think if the relationship works for you and you're happy then no one has to right to judge you. Love knows no bounds, as they say :)

    As for the boyfriend name thing, I usually make up nicknames or I use the first initial of their name. No harm done :)

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