Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Is it ever OK to trash talk your ex(es)?


I'm currently talking to my friend right now, and somehow the topic led to our exes and he just went ballistic about his ex from years ago. He told me how she always gets around, how she's a gold digger, and eventually, how she ended up getting (and giving) STDs to the people she slept with.

I also had my fair share of bashing an ex. Back in high school, I had a nasty break up which filled me with so much anger from the bullshit that piled up from our year of dating.

One of the biggest thing that angered me was finding out that he was sexting graphically to his first ex on Facebook and then lying to be with excuses like "She hacked into my Facebook account", "She thought it was a fun joke," etc. etc. I was smart enough to see through his lies but when I found out about those messages, I also emailed a copy to myself. Why? I have no idea.

But, when the break up came and I was filled with anger, I ended up posting their entire conversation on my old blog and on top of that, calling him the worst names possible and sharing the details of his personal dating/sex life and preferences.

Back then, I shared my blog with everyone so a lot of people from his school read it. I also Googled his name and the girl's name (I didn't delete their names from the convos) and it was the first hit on Google.

I felt so... happy... from what I did, bashing him for treating me like shit. But then my friend, Amy, told me to take it down for the sake of his professional image. I was also scared that he or the girl might press charges so after a few weeks, I ended up taking it down. However, Google and a few other sites managed to have a cache file of it for a few more months.

That's the last time I've ever bashed an ex. Even my heartbreak from a few months back didn't receive any backlash. The worst I've ever said to him was "Fuck you!" and even then I was felt guilty. Despite the few bad things he's done, I haven't bitched about him saying he's a horrible person that deserves to be driven over by a truck and then eaten by a lion. It could be my feelings talking, but to me, he's still a beautiful being.

I mean, it's one thing to say, "He was a cheater,", "He treated me like shit, that asshole," etc. etc. you know, those one liners that just sums up your ex's character and the emotion of hatred towards them.

But, is it ever okay to bash an ex?

Looking back, I admit that I crossed the line and let my emotions get the best of me. I learn to keep my break ups and relationship troubles privately, or at least, just a casual, "we broke up". But from my experiences, I think it's such a waste of energy to take the time to spend hours, hell, even months trash talking about an ex. I understand it's nice to get it allllll out, but after that, just move on. If you're still bitching about him five months later, it just looks bad on you.

Despite what I've done, I don't believe in trash talking about past relationships. I don't want to taint him image; words spreads quickly. But, if the boy ended up cheating on me, well, yes, I'd feel like I want to warn the next girl that this guy is a potential cheater. But other than that, I wouldn't spend an hour telling everyone at the party that my ex has a small wee-wee, you know what I'm sayin?

Have you ever bashed your exes? What's your opinions on people that trash talk their exes?

7 comments:

  1. I have so much ammo to bash on my ex right now, and I am trying so hard to not do it. In the long run it not only isn't good for him, but it isn't good for me either.

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    1. That's amazing of you to be not shoot all your ammo, considered your situation! My parents are still taking shots at each other after years of divorcing and it's just so annoying and negative to be around, even to this day (they live separately but you can still hear their phone conversations to friends/relatives).

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  2. I always love reading your posts! You're one of my favorite bloggers to come back to! Sometimes I just skim over posts, but I genuinely read yours. :) Just thought you'd like to know. Also, I've never bashed an ex. My first ever boyfriend was an ex-basher and I just found it so unattractive. That story is hilarious. From the sounds of it, your ex kind of deserved it at the time, but it's good that you took it down and have learned from it! Besides, hating someone only really affects you. It's just not good for you.

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    1. Awww, thank you, you're so sweet! I fell in love with your blog too, I just love finding teen bloggers, haha (with no hate to the older ones). The guys I've dated don't bring up their exes but just hearing the bashing from close friends is already unattractive... like, shut up about them already!

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  3. This is one of the reasons why I'm still "NBSB" ("no boyfriend since birth") because I do not want to go through all that shit LOL (not offending those who are/were in a relationship or anything). On the other hand, a lot of immature shit happens in high school (the sexting behind his he's back is one thing, talking shit about your ex in public is another), so you're forgiven on that part. More importantly, you look back and realize that even those who are completely heartbroken can even cross the line.

    I guess you could say that I was a wallflower back in high school where nobody notices that I'm there observing/watching them. I've seen a lot of nasty shit with couples back in my high school years and back then, the internet hasn't existed to the masses yet.

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    1. Oh my gosh, high school relationships were soooo ridiculous. My only high school boyfriend was during my senior year so we were a bit more "mature" than 8-10th grades, you know what I mean? But, yeah, immature high school relationships were just nj3ekahnirgtrnjak2huignrks but hilarious when you're watching another couple.

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  4. This is going to sound really weird and probably very creepy but I've been reading your blog since you were first here on blogspot, then when you moved to wordpress and now that you're back here. I witnessed that spectacle regarding your ex (V?) and was actually glad that you took it down after a while, both for your sake and his.

    I could atleast understand the ex-bashing in some cases (like yours, for one, because cheating and liars are things I hate). It's true that when a romantic interest bashes their ex in front of you, it's kind of offputting. Maybe because can you imagine what happens when the two of you separate? Lol I mostly aim for "friendly" break-ups but yeah, sometimes it's impossible and these things happen. Let's hope these kind of people mature and forgive like you have.

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