Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Seeing Your Ex on a Dating Site

Maybe it's the "rebound relationship thinking" that has gotten me curious about the online dating world, but I have yet to venture on to it (and probably never will until I leave this city).


However, I did sign up for Meetup in hopes of meeting new people and making new friends (seriously, I have like... no friends AND DEF. NOT FOR DATING [see above]) and get out of my comfort zone to do stuff instead of moping around after my ex. But, despite the fact that Meetup is essentially NOT dating site and more of a "meet new people with similar interests" site, I still can't bring myself to RVSP to an event and show up. There are some events that allows you to bring a +1 but I feel so awkward explaining to a friend that we're meeting up with a 20 other strangers at this restaurant.

I have met up with strangers, only to buy and sell stuff... so, why is meeting new people in hopes of a friendship so much tougher? I mean, after all, that's how all friendships are established. You and some stranger meeting up at a place.

If you have any tips to meeting strangers (Meetup is always a group outing), let me know!


Which brings me my first ever online dating site experience... that wasn't even on my own account.

One of my good friends, MJ, created a profile on Plenty of Fish and because POF was created in Vancouver, there are a ton of Vancouverites on it.

Here's the thing about MJ's situation. She's an international student from Korea and wants to experience a Canadian boyfriend (am I the only one that thinks that's odd??) before she leaves the country after studying. However, our school is so tight-knit, we're like a family which feels odd to be dating within the school. And, a lot of the student population is international students and hardly any North Americans.

So, MJ and I met up at Starbucks before class and she confined in what she has just done. She's one of the few people that knew I broke up with The Boy so she suggested I give this a try too. I told her I wasn't ready for another relationship but I wanted to hear about her experience. I was fascinated with online dating, so to have someone with an actual profile to play with was like a kid on Christmas day!

MJ's search criteria age was from 20-35; I'm not sure if that was the default or not. She showed me a few messages from guys that were talking to her and together, we sort of just browsed profiles.

In that short amount of time browsing before class... I have stumbled across old high school classmates, co-workers, and most shockingly, an ex.

Curious, I checked out a few of those profiles, and it was so weird to see these guys saying they're actively looking for a relationship. Reading their bios and preferences was odd - I mean, I considered some of these people as brothers so it was just... bizarre!

I checked out my ex's profile - that was probably even more strange. He had about 7 pictures up with bios, statues, preferences, ideal dates... sooooo, soooo, soooo strange. He's actively looking for a relationship too and from what I've heard, he has trouble finding "the one" after me (and even before me, he had trouble too). I thought it might have been an old profile that he stopped using, but he had pictures from 2013 Holiday dinners and last logged in about a week ago.

But regardless of my little stalking spree, I realized, I can never sign up for a local dating site because I'm afraid and embarrassed that someone I know will find my profile. Would I ever consider doing it if I wasn't in Vancouver? Of course. I'm planning to move into a whole new city so meeting someone would be nice (assuming I'm ready to date again).

(I hope I don't get bad karma for laughing and stalking profiles).

I'm not going to lie though... there were a lot of cute and good lookin boys available, hahaha. I kept pointing them out to MJ so she could send a message or something, but I guess she's too shy to do anything when I'm eyeing her screen like a hawk. I bet you anything she sent them when she went home... :P

Have you ever... stalked guys on a dating website?
Woooow, when I just typed that I felt like a creep.

Also, don't forget to leave some tips if you've ever been a similar situation as my Meetup situation!

10 comments:

  1. I think we're all guilty of stalking an ex via social media, though I've never really used a dating website so haven't stalked anyone there, still time though! As for Meetup, I'd say go if it's somewhere you know and feel comfortable but I'm pretty awkward so I understand your nerves! I guess try and go with other people looking to widen their friendship groups/find a relationship etc. so you'd have someone with you but who was also there for their own benefit too. I think I'm rambling a bit so I'll stop now, but I say go for it! What's the worst that can happen?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have decided recently that I can't do it anymore. I can't "stalk" his profile. It just hurts the heart too much.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm trying to force myself to think that everyone there is looking for friendship and has been in my position before but some groups have weekly meetings so I'd feel so awkward and out of place since they'll be people that know each other already. Sort of like the new kid in class, haha. I will attend a meet-up soon! I need to get off my lazy ass sooner or later :P

    ReplyDelete
  4. I understand, I've been there but I can't image the level of pain you're feeling. It's best to just block him on everything - it may be a bit "childish" but it works wonder. And eventually, if you want and ready, you can unblock him.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah I get you haha, but maybe the ones who have weekly meetings would be the best, you never know you might just fit in straight away and it would feel like you'd always been a part of the group! Either way, good luck :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I would, but we share the girls and I would hate to miss out on pictures of them. =) It will work out.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I wish I could give you concrete advice on this one, but I'm an "NBSB" ("no boyfriend since birth") and has nada experience with dating in general, so I'll write my view instead.

    I'm actually scared of dating sites in general. A few of my co-workers from my past jobs recommended me to create a profile but I'm probably the most nitpicky person you'll ever come across, especially with guys in general. I'm a fiction writer who is a sucker for happy endings, so that's probably the reason why LOL.

    Why not give it a try? Maybe just for companionship and not for a serious relationship. I know it's easier said than done, but like you said, make new friends who are willing to listen to your woes. :b

    ReplyDelete
  8. (this is Adri just using my Disvus account BTW ^^;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ahaha I wish I could say that I stalked someone's profile but alas, I've never had that opportunity! I HAVE had plenty of experience with online dating though. It's a good time! :) I suggest that you allllllllways talk on the phone or something (if you feel comfortable with giving them your number) before meeting because it just makes everything BETTER. That's what I did with the weekend just past and it was brilliant! I showed up and it was like we had known each other forever! :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I did that once! I was 12 and the guy was 19, living in another country. I knew there was no chance but he's good looking indeed lo. That's so weird about your ex though! I don't trust dating site though, because you never know if the guy was genuine or a creep!

    ReplyDelete

Hi! Thanks for taking the time to comment on my blog; I really do appreciate it and love reading the comments I receive from you guys! ♥