Sunday, April 27, 2014

8 calls, 3 voicemails, 3 FB messages...


I sound like a broken record machine playing the same track over and over again.

But, today, this broken record machine is finally repaired... or, I guess, refurbished. In the process of getting repaired.

The Boy, the ex, the one that broke my heart, called me 8 times, left 3 voicemails, and 3 FB message. He was shitfaced and I knew it. But yet, I was curious to why he, out of all people, decided to hit my name 8 times on his phone and searched my name on Facebook.

I was a bit happy to know that I'm still in his conscious. I mean, we all know the truth behind every drunk call / messages. Sure, I might be the one occupying his drunken mind but when I saw the time stamps in which he called, he was out getting shitfaced til 4:30AM, a part of me felt this sudden stab in the chest.

Prior the amount of calls and messages he left behind, we suddenly stopped talking for about 2-3 weeks now. Out of nowhere, he just ignored my messages. He didn't even bother to open them, he just ignored me. Tried his best not to open my message and change the check mark to 'read'.

That, my friends, is the worst way to get ignored. To not even have them read your messages. To know that they're trying so hard to not accidentally open your conversation is just literally shit.

I deleted him off my BBM and off Skype. He didn't bother reaching out to me since until last night.

But, this afternoon, I told him I'm done. My last message to him was I dumping his gifts in the ocean (perks of living at the end of a country!) and blocking him on my phone and Facebook. I told him I didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

This isn't the worst break up ever. This is probably the hardest. He was the best I ever had, and despite all that he's done to me, I still love him. I wish he'd know that.

This is the first and only relationship that I haven't kept anything from him. Not even the movie stubs or old concert tickets. Everything, and I mean everything, is getting thrown away.

It brings me pain that he's the first person I ever blocked in 5+ years. But, you know what? It has to be done.

It should have been done earlier but it's better late than never. I'd unblock him when I leave this city and/or this province.

But until then, my heart is getting refurbished and hopefully it'd be new again. You won't be reading anymore of The Boy on this blog anymore (unless it's to reference something). This chapter in my life is done and closed.

Would I reopen it? I don't know. A part of me fears that when I'm 90, I'll accidentally open that chapter. He may be the one that got away, but I'm happy my heart is finally getting better. 

2 comments:

  1. I am still debating on blocking my ex... but I post a lot of pictures of the girls that I would hate for him to miss out on. It's harder when you have kids, if you can imagine!

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  2. Oh girl , it must hurt. But hey , you're even better to let go of things easily without being a mess. Much love your way , stay the same <3 :)

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