Friday, September 26, 2014

I Hate My Life...


Okay, so it may sound just a wee bit melodramatic, but right now, I'm not feeling the greatest.

I'm filled with so many emotions - envy, frustration, sadness, confusion, loneliness, hopelessness, stuck, happy, annoyed, driven, etc. etc.. Basically, my emotions are stretched out on the spectrum.

Here's the thing. We've all been through the whole 'I Hate My Life' phase of our lives and I didn't think it'd hit me again. But the biggest difference is the fact that I actually have reasons to why I "hate" my life instead of being that whiny teenager that thinks life is miserable at the age of 16.

Where do I even start?

I'm feeling envious because I look at my peers graduating with a nice future ahead of them. They've managed to score great internships and probably wouldn't have trouble finding a good career in this expensive city.

I'm feeling frustrated over so many things ranging from living conditions to my parents to my school.  I wish I can elaborate more but it gets way too personal and too long.

I'm feeling confused in terms of what to do. Split between two situations and two people with many pros/cons each.

I'm feeling lonely because while I'm sitting on my bum at home because my previous college screwed me over (and still is screwing me over), my friends are working or studying full time and none of them got time to chill out like I do. It sucks being at home with nothing to do. I'm just waiting patiently until I can start school again.

I'm feeling hopeless because I'm so afraid of what the future brings. What if I can't "make it" in the real world? What if I don't make enough to support a comfortable life? What if I don't succeed in my HR career?

I'm feeling stuck in a city that haunts me. I desperately want to leave Vancouver, and that sounds ridiculous right? I'm craving a new start. I'm thinking of moving to Edmonton after my graduation but we'll see about that. I planned a cruise only to realize that the cruise I wanted to go on requires you to be 21... seriously?! I'm only three weeks away from turning 21 and they won't make an exception.

I'm feeling happy that I'm starting school soon, despite the road bumps during my application process. I'm feeling happy that despite the fact that I "hate" my life, I know I got I still got an education, food and shelter that most people don't.

I'm feeling annoying by the situations and people in my life. Situations that would take forever to change. People that always underestimate me. My aunt has only been here for a week and she thinks I'm the stupidest person in the world.

For example, when we were out during Dim Sum, they ordered a tea that I'm not really a fan of so I refuse to drink it. She instantly says, "Jessica doesn't know how to drink tea!". Lady, I do. Or comments like, "We're going out for a walk. You don't even like walks." .... I do, if I have a destination to go to.

When my dad asked what am I going to do in LA, my aunt laughs at me and said, "If Katty (my cousin that she always compares me) hasn't gone to LA yet, how can you go?!" Lady, just because you two travel the world doesn't mean I don't know how to travel, okay? 

It annoys me because growing up in Canada, my parents and relatives that adapted to Western Lifestyle doesn't compare kids. Yes, being Asian and I haven't been compared to people. However, my aunt is traditional Chinese and compares everything to her great daughter.

It literally drives me insane! And my cousin talks to me like I lack life experiences and she's so much more better than me even though she's only one year older. Everything I say, she always has to comment with something that she assumes I haven't thought of yet...

I'm feeling driven because I want to leave Vancouver. I want to prove to people who thought I was stupid. I hate being underestimated and being talked down to like I'm stupid. I hate it when I prove someone right, they ignore me. I'm driven to get my Bachelor's after so many mishaps. I'm driven to just, get a fresh start.


Honestly, it just hasn't been a good week, or a good year, to be honest. I just hope that the year ends on at least, one good note.

Maybe this year is like Alex Burrow's 13-14 season. He didn't score one goal throughout the season until the last few games of the NHL 13-14 season.

Ugh, I honestly hate this stress and negativity in my life right now.

Monday, September 22, 2014

... aaaaaaand, I'm going back to school... with a new tattoo!

Remember how I said that this September was the first September that I'd be working instead of going back to school?

Well... it ain't happening.

I'm going back to school to get a Bachelor of Human Resources and Labour Relations.
That being said, that means I'm no longer a graduate (from my college) because long story short, due to some "legality" issues, in order to pursue my Bachelor's, I need to drop out of my college and not get the diploma, but I get the transcript to transfer into my undergraduate program.

It's a bit upsetting to me, knowing that I spent more than 10k and not getting a diploma in the end because that school can't sort their shit out. So, essentially, I just spent a lot of money to get a measly transcript, and guess what? The undergraduate program cost about the same for the diploma.


But, you know what? It's just another bump in the road. I'm pretty sure I can get my undergraduate degree in about 2 years or less, which is still pretty fast compared to everyone else, haha. I'm buckling down to get this shit done with.

On the brighter side, I got a much more flexible schedule than my previous school which means I can work part time during my studies again... how I miss earning my own money!

Meanwhile, on the brighter side, this is what I've been spending my money on:


For the longest time, I was hesitant to buying an iPad mini because I already got a Samsung tablet and the sole purpose for the tablet was to read on it. However, I made the decision to switching to an iPad and couldn't be more happier. My reading experience has improved and so has my entertainment usage. I do wish iBooks had more features... like, how about the basic, sort by last read?? duhh.
Yes, about a month (give or take a few days) since my first tattoo, I impulsively stopped by that tattoo parlor again for my second one! I was supposed to get it done with my friend but she didn't save up for her tattoo yet, so we're going back next month... maybe, I'll get my third? I haven't gotten anything planned yet so most likely not.

And, can't forget new university swaaaag ;)

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

App Review: ProCapture for Android

ProCapture Camera on Google Play Store


I don't like paying for phone apps. That being said, I normally go for the free apps.

Since switching over to the Samsung S4, the one thing I missed most was the Apple Camera. I loooved that app, considering I was a big fan of Instagram and selfies. The first thing I noticed about the S4 camera was the lack of features I usually use and the poor quality of the front camera.

I searched the Play Store for a camera that was really similar to the Apple, or at least, gave me the options I wanted (which was different ratio sizes of pictures). I stumbled across ProCapture Free which was limited but I fell in love with it that I ended up coughing up the $2 but the full app (it was 75% off too).

Just recently got addicted to Once Upon a Time!
At a first glance, you'll notice the camera layout is much different than the native camera application. With ProCapture, you're greeted with many options on the top of the screen. A handy feature I love is the little counter on the bottom that tells you how many photos your memory is allowed to store and on which setting. 

Aspect ratio has a lot of settings, and the famous setting of all, 1:1. Square photos for Instagram!







The little button in the red box is a mini toolbar that accesses your settings, pictures, video camera (which switches to the default camera) and the button to switch to the front camera.
Aside from its vast options to allow you to get the perfect shot, ProCapture also offers screen touch shutter which allows you to take a photo just by tapping the screen instead of the blue button. It doesn't have the speech shutter like the native app does.

However, despite the extra buttons you're required to touch to get to the front camera, there is also a few drawbacks of ProCapture.

For instant, the camcorder is not built into this application. It's a shortcut to the default camera in video mode. I don't shoot much video so it doesn't concern me that much, but I would have enjoyed it more if it was integrated with ProCapture.

Another big thing that bothers me from time to time is the delay of saving photos. You'll be greeted by this lovely progress bar whenever you've shot a photo:


Rest assured, the delay is only about a second or two long. Which also means you need to consider the burst mode. I've tired the burst mode and in between each shot, there's a longer delay time which means all three burst photos weren't crisp or "in the moment". In most cases, you wouldn't mind the one second delay if you're taking a photo of your food or a selfie. But, do keep in mind if you want to snap photos all night long, you're probably best to use the default camera app as it handles burst mode better.

Now, another big bonus in addition to the features is the quality of the front camera. Prior to getting the S4, I never realized how shitty the front camera is. I know it's a 2MP camera, but the iPhone's front camera is 1.2MP and gives me good quality.

I guess, because it's 2MP on a bigger screen, the quality is blown up. So, yes, if you're planning to get the S4 (and maybe even later models), be aware that the front camera is SHITTY. We're talking webcam shitty.

ProCapture's quality for selfies is sharp and crisp. I believe the processing process enhances the pictures quite a lot.



If you can tell, the default camera creates a slightly blurred photo. But you can tell by the texture of my skin and hair that it's a poor quality - everything seems too smooth, like a fake airbrush. On the other hand, ProCapture snapped my selfies in a sharper, non-blurry quality. It doesn't create that awful airbrush quality or anything. The colouring is much brighter too.


Another example of side by side camera action for the back camera at full 13MP. I was extremely steady with the default camera when I took a photo of my papers. Even then, you can tell the blurriness on the business card.

And, my favourite feature, it the lovely ratio aspect of 1:1 aka square photos for Instagram.


With the default camera app, you don't have the option to take square photos BUT you can use other applications to share your selfie without cropping it. I did noticed the amount of white space when you choose this option because the S4 has a 16:9 ratio so the pictures are really big which equals to a lot of border space when you import it into an square application. That's ugly. (To fix this, take your pictures in a smaller ratio).

All in all, ProCapture is worth the tiny $2 (when it's on sale), even for those who aren't professional photographers. It offers much more features and better quality than the default camera can ever offer you. If you don't mind the one second processing delay for your photos, you'll fall in love with this application too.

The best part about Google Play Store is the ability to get a refund. If you don't like the application, you can return it within 15 minutes. Or, just download the free version to play around. Honestly, the best camera in the market to replace the default camera.

Monday, September 15, 2014

10 Questions I Need Answers To

1. Why do people clap after a movie (during opening week or so)?

2. Why do people ignore your messages when you replied to them just SECONDS after they sent their message?

3. Why am I still unemployed? :(

4. Why do (rich) people walk sooooooo slow? Like, is their wallet dragging them down or something?

5. Why do people feel the need to stop in the middle of the street/staircases, during rush hour, to text? Seriously, just walk off to the side before I push you down the stairs.

6. Why do people swing their arm(s) widely when they walk? If I'm behind you, I don't want to have my vajayjay smacked in public by a stranger.

7. If you're carrying an umbrella, why do you hold it sideways? Did you know you always stabbed me with your gigantic umbrellas? If you don't have a small umbrella, carry it like a walking stick!

8. Why do servers demand to get tips when you give me a shitty service? Don't cry if I won't give you MY hard earned money as money you clearly don't work hard for.

9. Why do people have loud mufflers? Honestly, it's 2pm, sometimes 10pm and I just want peace and quiet. Wait til I break your ugly car.

10. Why do people feel the need to constantly update their statuses/check in on Facebook when they hit the gym?

Friday, September 12, 2014

Friday's Five Things Relationships Has Taught Me


1. Value your current friendships.
Here's what I believe - there's no point in having a boyfriend/girlfriend, if you lose friends on the way. I've learned this the hard way. With my first boyfriend, I neglected a lot of my best friends but thankfully most of them forgave me. However, my ex-best friend neglected us to the point where she lost all four of us as friends and "can't understand why".

Don't be like my ex-best friend. Learn to balance friendships and relationship and have them intertwine. Whenever I date someone, my best friends and my boyfriend will always meet and I include them on plans. I have friends that separate and never introduce each other. Personally, I don't believe that and I think it's unfair to both parties. I'm not saying that you should have to include both parties in everything you do, but it's healthy to include both parties from time to time. It's also healthy to spend time with your girlfriends with no mention about your boyfriend.

2. Learn when to walk away.
This is harder said than done but trust me on this one. It's better for your own heart and soul to walk away now than to endure a bigger pain in the future. I wish I knew this in my older relationships. From then on, I respect myself more. If a guy decides to lie or cheat, I'd walk away. I don't need someone like that in my life to "love me". A little white lie is acceptable but a full on lie with a shit excuse is another. Cheating should never happen if both people are committed to each other.

Don't settle for someone that can't even respect you enough to tell you the truth and to keep his hands off another girl.

3. Learn to compromise.
I'm not saying you should also to agree with your partner 24/7. In a relationship, you have to value the other person's wants, and it's not always about your wants. If you guys had sushi last week and your partner wants pho, go to pho. Don't argue about it, just go with the flow. However, that doesn't mean you should accept everything he wants. If he wants to have a stripper giving him a lap dance for no special occasion and you feel uncomfortable about that, let him know.

4. Love Yourself First
There's a popular saying, "You can't expect someone to love you if you can't love yourself." I believe that wholeheartedly. I've been with people who were extremely insecure and it's a big turn off. I have insecurities but not to the point where I'd hate myself and doubt myself. Learn to love yourself - spend time discovering who you are, pamper yourself, be alone for a while.

5. Be Independent
There's nothing more than I hate to see a girl that's extremely dependent and clingy to their boyfriend. If you're that clingy, I believe you're not ready to be in a relationship. Not only does it make you look clingy/attached, it suffocates your significant other. Being independent doesn't mean I don't need help and support from my boyfriend. It means I don't need him to show my with expensive gifts on a daily basis, it means I don't need him to tag along when I do grocery shopping or when I'm invited to a birthday party that he doesn't want to go. Being independent is attractive, trust me. But, if your man likes to feel wanted, don't be tooooo independent ;).




What are some of the lessons you've learned from your relationships?

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

What's so Funny About my Tattoo?

As a person that's officially inked, I experienced a whole new negative feeling ever since.

The feeling of sadness (a bit of embarrassment) when someone laughs at your tattoo.

Prior to being inked, I've never laughed at someone's tattoo, unless they're extremely stupid (we're talking "tattoo fails") because I've always figured that their tattoo means something to them. Weather it's a quote or even the overrated dragon designs. If I saw a HP tattoo, I'd be amazed! I love HP (and would consider a HP tattoo as my third). Harry Potter may be a series to some people, but to me, it taught me valuable lessons about life.

Because, after all, if someone is getting something permanent on their skin, who am I to laugh without knowing the reason behind it?

Before my tattoo session, a classmate (whom I dislike a bit), asked me what I was going to get as a tattoo. I told him, "Be at peace, not in pieces."

And he had the nerves to laugh and say, "Okay, now say that with a straight face".

Another time, I had my school director asking to see my tattoo and then laughed at it.

More recently, a good friend made jokes from my tattoo and my future tattoo too.

It got me embarrassed for a while until I thought, screw them. This tattoo means something to me. This quote means a whole lot to me.

I swear, I could punch these two jerks right in the face for laughing at it. It's a simple quote that means a whole ton to me. But, because it means nothing to them, they laugh at it - right in my face.

Society will always judge and laugh, regardless. But, in all honest, if you don't know the story behind my quote, you'll looking like an idiot. Or, if you're going to laugh at my quote - laugh behind my back (like a little pu$$y).

 I'm still going with my second design:
I still wish I can punch these people in the face.
Actually, one of them is planning to get a tattoo - I should be a bitch and laugh at his.

Take a lesson; don't be an ass and laugh at someone's tattoo without knowing their story behind it.
Take your laughter out on these:






Monday, September 8, 2014

My Mini Astrology/Life Reading Session


Over the weekend, I got my (Chinese) astrology chart read by Jerry when I was visiting Regine at Holt Renfrew. It wasn't a full on report about my life as some people may assume, it was a short session considering that he was doing it for free for Holt Renfrew customers.

In our mini session, after giving my birthday (not time because I wasn't sure about my birth time), I was told this:
  • 2016 and 2017 will be successful years. In terms of what? I'm not sure, but I believe he meant overall.
  • My career will not 'pick up' until I'm 30 (assuming that I stay in the HR industry).
  • That being said, he recommends me to go back to school and study management such as properties management or project management because that's where the "money is in, for me".
  • Between the ages of 53-55, something bad will happen like being retired (I'm not sure if he meant being retired due to poor health/physical problems, or retired due to wealth).
  • My ideal age to get married is 31. I told him I wanted to get married by 25-26ish but he said it'll most likely lead to divorce (and another friend read my palm before and said I'm going to get divorced...)
  • As I get older, I'll encounter back problems and stomach problems (perhaps, linking back to his predictions of ages 53-55).
  • He doesn't see much moving around, but if I were to leave Vancouver, he said it'll have to be somewhere warm. I told him about New Zealand and he said I should avoid that area since it's surrounded by water (he told me water is bad for me [my element, earth]).
Do I believe in this stuff? I don't know... I mean, I think it's odd to be able to read someone's life (and personality) just from a birth date. But, my friend pointed out that people have been reading stars since... forever. And, sometimes, when I read traits based on Libra/Rooster, I feel like it's pretty accurate.

It's against Christianity to read into your future because it'll be like going against God's plans for you. Personally, I believe God much more over than an astrology sign, because... well, God's plan is customized between me and God. Whereas, this astrology reading is geared towards everyone born on October 20th, 1993.

However, it got me surprised when he said I'll encounter stomach problems because right now, I know my stomach isn't the strongest organ in my body and my diet contributes to that too. I want to say, I can change my path, but my friend (who believes in astrology reading) told me it's impossible to avoid these predictions.

I won't lie to you though, my current tabs are opened to various local schools that offers Project Management programs. - What do you think? Do you believe in astrology readings? Have you had your life read before?

In the mean time, I'll leave you with some delicious treats my friend gave me :)

Friday, September 5, 2014

#2014BloggerChallenge - New Beginnings

 

This is the first September that I'm not going back to school.

It feels odd to say that I'm a college graduate. I know I should feel excited that I'm done this chapter of life but I feel so... bleh. I feel like I'm struggling.

I miss being a student. I miss seeing ads on the television advertising back to school sales. I miss meeting my professors for the first time, and going into a classroom to see new faces. I miss the buzz of everyone talking about school.

Though, I'd tell you what I won't miss: exams.

However, being out of school proves to be a whole new challenge.
The challenge to get a job.

And no, I'm not talking about part time jobs in the mall folding clothes - I'm talking corporate jobs. The kind that pays your bills and perhaps get a new car, etc.

This is my new beginning. Find a job. I've sent out hundred of resumes, had a few unsuccessful interviews, got three interviews lined up for me on Monday, and the struggle is real.

It's a new chapter in my life. A chapter of a 9-5 full time job. A chapter of meeting tons of new (professional) people. A chapter of bills to maintain. It's the "real world" chapter.

But, I do plan on going back to school in the future. Probably part time and online, so I can hold down my full time job.

In the meanwhile, my new beginnings haven't officially start until I found my first job. Wish me the best of luck in landing something!

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Hardest Quarter of the Year...

September
Last year, on this day, we were at Playland. Although it wasn't much of a trip, I still enjoyed that sunny day.

I think it'll be hard to walk down the streets, with autumn leaves falling, and feeling Fall without the warmth of you.

I remember every Tuesday, snuggling in with a movie after class. I remember the advices and calls during class hours when I was stressing out over my Accounting worksheets.

The look on your face when I gave you the Canucks tickets.

I remember going to our first concert together. The Weeknd.

October
I'll remember the coldness you brought in with this month.

I'll remember the last few weeks of real happiness.

I remember my birthday - clearly. A celebration I'm not even sure I want anymore.

I remember, flying off to Toronto and coming back to a colder climate.

I remember the birthday gifts, the gifts I pushed back to you.

I remember you wanted time alone.

November
I remember our first hockey game together.
The bitterness of our cab ride.

I remember you replying, "I'm not sure anymore."

I remember that cold sunny day, when my heart broke.

The last time I ever saw your face.

December
I remember our small texts. The way you told me, I'll be alright.

How I desperately wanted to celebrate the holidays with you.

Did you ever consider Christmas gifts for me when I gave you mine? (Do you still use it, or is it collecting dust in the corner of your room?)

I remember, you telling me how we can work this out, in the near future. How you'll be mine again.

January
I remember not being there to celebrate your birthday.
How it broke my heart.

I remembered, maybe, I'll get to celebrate it next year.






I wish I can make these four months fly by without tidal waves of memories and flashbacks, accompanied by heartache. A feeling, I'm sure, you no longer experience.


Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Elementary School Confessions

3rd grade!
+ I peed my pants twice - 1st time in kindergarten because I was too shy to ask to go to the bathroom (which was literally next door), and the 2nd time when my shitty teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom.

+ I got caught trying to steal a rolling pin... don't ask why. I felt like I wanted it.

+ In the 2nd grade, I was held in every recess period for extra math lessons and came to class 15 minutes earlier for reading lessons.

+ In the 3rd grade, I stole my classmate's Polly Pocket set. She confronted me and I denied it.

(I swear, I don't have a stealing habit).

+ I spanked Wilson. It was lunch, he bent over to tie his shoelaces, and my hand just reacted.

+ I was a bully.

+ My style was vests. All I wanted to wear was vests.

+ I wrote a nasty letter to a classmate and my teacher found it. Got lunch duty for a few weeks.

+ My best friends and I decided to make a singing duo named DJG3.

+ In the 1st grade, I went home with my friend, Stephanie (without telling anyone) and the school and my parents thought I was kidnapped.

+ I forged a letter from my mum to allow me to switch classes to a nice 6th grade teacher.

+ My 5th grade teacher handed me chocolate and told me I had really nice lips.

+ During my time as a library monitor, I borrowed sexual health books under names of people I don't like and hide them in the library so their names and book titles will be listed on the "overdue" books.

+ I thought I was an extremely cool kid - I had a lot of attitude towards my peers.

+ My teacher caught my best friend and I in the same bathroom stall... together.

+ I also forged a note to the office that allowed me to get off school grounds during lunch hours to buy candy at the corner store nearby.

+ I faked a few grades on my report card.

+ One of my teachers found a paper I titled, "People I Hate" & "People I Like".

+ I always ordered stupid books on Scholastic (like toys and books about celebrities) but when I ask my parents for the money, I tell them I want to buy "educational" books. I feel guilty for wasting their money now.

+ I decided to throw myself a birthday party... and only one of my classmate showed up. Also, I forgot about the birthday party and my dad took me out shopping so she ended up waiting at our house for an hour or two.

+ The coolest thing was owning a diary and "trading papers/stickers" with other diary owners. No one ever wrote anything in their books.

+ Following that, a friend broke my diary and I demanded that she paid me back. She broke the button that kept the diary shut. I was extremely sad. I called her a bitch for that.

+ I joined an after school girls club just for the free food. 

Monday, September 1, 2014

Tips to Getting Into Reading

There shouldn't be a surprised when I tell you that reading is one of my favourite hobbies and interest. I mean, take a look at my (impressive) Goodreads page!

I fancy people that read, even those that I don't share the same genre of interest with. I find it a bit of a turn off when I ask guys if they read or not - I don't care if he reads sports magazine or the daily Metro newspaper, as long as you're reading something, I'm happy, but if you flat out say "I hate reading. I haven't read a book since high school"... well, sir, we're not going to be good friends!

Whenever I express my love for reading, the most common response is, "I wish I can get into reading..."

Today, my good friends, today I'm here to share with you some tips in getting into reading. Or, back into reading (which was my case a few years back).

Find your genre
It's a no brainer that you're not going to enjoy reading if you're not enjoying what you read. I love everything from biographies to cultural studies to post-apocalyptic novels. However, you probably won't catch me reading about the Cold War, or a romantic novel set in the 1800s.

Reflect on your previous reading habits and make a list of the type of genres you enjoy reading! Goodreads makes a list of recommendation based on the books you've read and want to read in the future - it's an awesome feature!

Start off lightly
To get into reading doesn't mean you need to borrow 5 novels from your local library. Start with a small novel from one of your favourite genres. A "quick read" as some bookworms may call it. A novel with 300 pages, not 500, 700, or 900 pages.

Create a reading session
Schedule a reading period for however long you like. This can depend on your schedule - perhaps, instead of listening to your iPod during your morning commute, try reading a few pages. Whip out your book during your lunch break. Or instead of a TV-binge, replace 30 minutes of your day with a book instead. I like to read a chapter before going to bed.

Find somewhere comfortable
This can also mean brewing a cup of tea and snuggling with your blanket if you prefer. Find yourself a nice spot in your house like the corner of the couch, in your study room, etc. etc. A bed works fine too but be wary of drifting off to sleep much, much easier than usual.

Consider an e-reader
This option may not be popular with some of you guys, but for me, I started picking up my reading habit again after purchasing a Kobo e-reader. I switch from paperback/hardcover to my e-reader from time to time but since switching things to electronically has increased my reading habits tremendously. For a guide in e-reading, check this out.

Find a community
If you fancy a book club, go right ahead but that's not my cup of tea. To "be" in a community is great because you get to see what other people are reading and what they need to say about the latest read. Goodreads is the best online community and I've found a bunch of great books that were recommended me through the site and through my friends and communities. A lot of bloggers are on Goodreads and on my friends list.