Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Elementary School Confessions

3rd grade!
+ I peed my pants twice - 1st time in kindergarten because I was too shy to ask to go to the bathroom (which was literally next door), and the 2nd time when my shitty teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom.

+ I got caught trying to steal a rolling pin... don't ask why. I felt like I wanted it.

+ In the 2nd grade, I was held in every recess period for extra math lessons and came to class 15 minutes earlier for reading lessons.

+ In the 3rd grade, I stole my classmate's Polly Pocket set. She confronted me and I denied it.

(I swear, I don't have a stealing habit).

+ I spanked Wilson. It was lunch, he bent over to tie his shoelaces, and my hand just reacted.

+ I was a bully.

+ My style was vests. All I wanted to wear was vests.

+ I wrote a nasty letter to a classmate and my teacher found it. Got lunch duty for a few weeks.

+ My best friends and I decided to make a singing duo named DJG3.

+ In the 1st grade, I went home with my friend, Stephanie (without telling anyone) and the school and my parents thought I was kidnapped.

+ I forged a letter from my mum to allow me to switch classes to a nice 6th grade teacher.

+ My 5th grade teacher handed me chocolate and told me I had really nice lips.

+ During my time as a library monitor, I borrowed sexual health books under names of people I don't like and hide them in the library so their names and book titles will be listed on the "overdue" books.

+ I thought I was an extremely cool kid - I had a lot of attitude towards my peers.

+ My teacher caught my best friend and I in the same bathroom stall... together.

+ I also forged a note to the office that allowed me to get off school grounds during lunch hours to buy candy at the corner store nearby.

+ I faked a few grades on my report card.

+ One of my teachers found a paper I titled, "People I Hate" & "People I Like".

+ I always ordered stupid books on Scholastic (like toys and books about celebrities) but when I ask my parents for the money, I tell them I want to buy "educational" books. I feel guilty for wasting their money now.

+ I decided to throw myself a birthday party... and only one of my classmate showed up. Also, I forgot about the birthday party and my dad took me out shopping so she ended up waiting at our house for an hour or two.

+ The coolest thing was owning a diary and "trading papers/stickers" with other diary owners. No one ever wrote anything in their books.

+ Following that, a friend broke my diary and I demanded that she paid me back. She broke the button that kept the diary shut. I was extremely sad. I called her a bitch for that.

+ I joined an after school girls club just for the free food. 

3 comments:

  1. Hahahahahahha. Oh my gosh, this is hilarious! I swear, I died reading this! Also, I would totally join a group now if I got free food ;)

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  2. Hahaha, yeah, I don't know what I was thinking when I was a kid.

    I don't regret signing up for the girls club.. I only feel a bit like a freeloader that I only went for the food and not to make friends, LOL.

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  3. I love elementary school Jess hahaha. Especially that you took out sexual health books under other people's names - that's got to be the best sort of revenge!

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