Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Why I Want to Leave Vancouver


I dislike Vancouver.
I mean, it's still my home city, it's the only place in this world I'd call home, but I'm not in love with it anymore. No amount of clear blue ocean and mountain views can make me fall in love with this city again.

Whenever I tell someone I'm planning to leave after graduation, they're usually shocked and ask why. I think a lot of people can see me living out my life in Vancouver and honestly, that's not as bad as it sounds. There's nothing wrong with staying in a city your entire life if the city is that damn good. My typical answer for wanting to move else where is "job opportunities and I've lived in Vancouver all my life, I want a change".

That's only half of it.

The real reason is the fact that Vancouver haunts me. Every inch of this city.
It's the city where I got my heart broken, where I've messed up in so many directions, where I got friendships that are so tainted.

Nearly every place in Vancouver is associated with bittersweet memories with people that touched my life, one way or another.

I do want a change. But I want to "start over". I want to leave all this behind and "begin again".
I fear that I might not succeed in the new city. I fear that I won't be able to find new friends or even a relationship in the new city. I'm afraid that I need help but I'm so far from my friends and family. I'm afraid that I'll be homesick and start missing Vancouver again.

I don't mind the struggle but I don't want those fears to happen. I don't want to return to Vancouver knowing I failed in "starting over". I mean, in a way, I got nothing to lose. If I don't succeed, I can always return back to Vancouver with support from friends and family.

My dream place would in New Zealand. Where? I'm not sure yet, but NZ.
A part of me wants to remain in Canada because, well, Canada is the best country in the world. If I choose to stay in CA, I'd choose between Edmonton and Nova Scotia.
My last choice would move down the America. Everyone knows Canadians got beef with Americans. If I ever do decide to head south, it'd be either Seattle or Portland (OR).

I got three years to think of everything. I got three years to see if Vancouver will be my home forever. A lot can happen in 3 years, a lot that I wish would happen but probably won't. I don't even know.

8 comments:

  1. Sometimes I feel the same way about leaving Vancouver, but I know in the end I'll be back here. As a compromise, I've promised myself that I'm going to live in Halifax for a year (hopefully during grad school), so I can get a taste of the East Coast.

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  2. Yeah, I'm wondering if I would ever come back here in the future and if it's not me, would my husband/kids (??? too far into the future!) consider moving to Vancouver. Best of luck in the East Coast, and hopefully you get to do it during grad school! I was tempted to applying to Cape Breton University or Dalhousie Uni for my undergrad but I backed out last minute :(

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  3. I understand what you mean. I moved about hours away for university. It was fun to get out of town, make new friends, & learn about a whole new environment. I ended up moving back home after graduation with a fresh perspective. However, I'd love to move away from here once & for all. You can't let the comfort of a place/the people there hold you back from exploring. :] // ▲ itsCarmen.com ▲

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  4. It looks like you've thought through leaving Vancouver. It would likely be a great experience to go someplace new for awhile and, like you said, if you want to, you can always move back. I've thought about leaving my state before (I live in Minnesota, but have always dreamed of North or South Carolina), but right now my niece and nephew are young and really close by. I love being close to them as they're growing up, so unless I was self-employed and able to travel back and forth with freedom, I'd probably wait until they're a bit older. I just love going to their piano recitals and all the other events that they have. And I love being able to see them regularly. :) As a side note, I've always wanted to visit Nova Scotia. It looks lovely.

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  5. Agreed! The number one reason for me not moving out would probably be being too comfortable with my surroundings! Especially with 21 years in the city, that's a hard habit to break!

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  6. It's great your staying for your niece and nephew! If I had a few little ones, I would stay with them to watch them grow up for a bit - can't miss out on those moments! Honestly, I haven't been to Nova Scotia either (and hopefully I would soooooon) but all my life, I've grew in love with the city through pictures, wikipedia pages, and stories! Such a nice little place off the coast with fresh seafood... mmmm :P

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  7. I can feel you Jess. I wanted to (and still want to) leave Karachi because I lost a lot in this city. People, relations,dreams. I couldn't even think of moving because when you're a teen there's nothing much to do.
    Do it for once. Start a new life chapter somewhere better than the place where you've always lived. You MAY get homesick but you will always have a place to return to. But you won't always have a chance to live your life in another place.

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  8. I can't thank you enough for this encouragement! I've never thought of it that way, having limited chances to life in another place and a place to always head back home. I looooooooove your encouragement! <3

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