Saturday, November 28, 2015

I'm Only 22...

I'm going to be real honest with you.

I'm only 22 but I think about the future a lot.

I know a handful of people who are in their late 20s and in their 30s that aren't settled down. Settled down in terms of a partner/marriage, stable career, financially, etc.

But yet, I understand that society is changing. We're being more selfish and putting ourselves first. There are so many studies that shows people are putting off having a family. People would rather travel the world before settling into a comfortable desk job.

And that confuses the hell out of me.

I want to be selfish. I want to see the world first before settling into my career. I want to spend a million hours with my loved one before sharing him with our future kids. I want to colour my hair in every shade of the rainbow before I need to keep it calm and professional. I want to be selfish.

Since having my heart broken for the first time by a boy a while back and then having my heart slightly bruised earlier this year, I realized I don't want a relationship right now. I can legitimately say I'm not interested in dating. Sure, there are days when I wish I had a relationship - then I hop online to make an OkCupid account (only to delete it one week later) - but when I arrange to meet up with a date, I either bail or give them a cold front and never message back.

I like being alone. Maybe I like it too much.

It takes me forever to find someone I want to date. Not because I'm butt ugly or anything - it's just the fact that I'm picky with the people I want to invest my time with. In between each serious relationship isn't filled with hook ups and meaningless sex; it's filled with casual dates that I think I want to date but turns out, he's not right for me. But mostly, it's just be focusing on finishing school and booking a flight overseas.

I want to be selfish for my own goods. I want to invest in my career and travel the world. But at the same time, I want to be with someone that I can spend my vacations with and rant about my job to.

Seeing all my older friends not in a relationship really scares me. I don't want that. I don't want to be 30 and single, even if society says it's perfectly normal now.

No offense to any of those who are in their 30s and single.

I had a childhood dream that I'd be married by mid 20's and have a family and good career before 30. Realistically, that's not going to happen.

I'm 22 and I'm worried that I'm going to be "alone" in my 30s. I'm 22 and I have this urge to invest in myself but a part of me wants someone to share it all with.

I thought being in your 20s was all fun and games. A decade to mess around and find yourself. But what if you already did that? What if you know who you are and what you're about? What if you know what you want and determined to do it? ... But, you know if you invest in one thing, you'd put something else on hold.

Sometimes, it's not the best thing to think too far into the future.


  1. I am 100% way too comfortable with being by myself. I'm alone, but not lonely. It is the BEST feeling. Seriously, since Mr Solicitor that feeling of loneliness has gone away. Hallelujah. I also completely agree with you though. It is normal to put off marriage in favour of travel and a career. That being said, it is also (in my eyes) becoming pretty normal to get married at a slightly younger age (like 22-24) and continue life with a partner by your side. I think I'm just going to end up as a crazy cat (or dog) lady. Fo real.

  2. […] hit the nail on the head with her post! I think about the future way too […]


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