Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Apparently I'm a 33 years old newly wed

It's only Wednesday and this week cannot go by any faster.

So, before I begin, let me warn you: this post is going to be long. Like, brew yourself a tea sort of long.

Ready?

In my previous posts, I may have mention a guy named Sam here and there. Sam and I met at the gym where I was previously employed and when I quit the gym, I'm not going to lie, a part of me was bummed out I'd never see this guy again.

We hit it off very well and naturally, we agreed to hang out outside of the gym and one thing led to another and yuuup, we were at that stage where we were pretty much like a couple but without the titles.

And, you're probably thinking, oh my gosh Jess, just tell us more about this Sam guy! Your tweets and previous posts has got me intrigued.

Well, ladies (and gentlemen), there's nothing else to say about Sam.

As of Monday, we're over.

And you know what?

We ended in the most brutal way possible.

He was in a relationship of 1.5 years.

Let's just call her Janet.

On Monday afternoon, my phone was getting bombarded with a phone call of an unfamiliar number. I don't know about you guys, but I hesitate to answer any unknown phone calls if I don't expect anything (eg. I never applied for any jobs). I Googled and Facebook this number because this person called three times already within the span of 15 minutes and didn't leave a voicemail or text message. Anyways, I finally picked up and...

It was Janet. Asking me if I'm Jess and I was Sam's girlfriend.

I thought, holy crap, Sam must be in trouble or something. So I naturally asked who is this, what is this regarding, etc.

And she said, "Umm, my name is Janet and I'm Sam's girlfriend."

I'm sorry, I didn't realized my life has become a fucking movie right now. THIS SHIT ONLY HAPPENS IN MOVIES.

So, Janet and I talked for about an hour or so. Ladies, she's not a bitch. Honestly, my girl friends were telling me that I'm lucky because I could've been dealing with a total bitch/psycho. Regardless, we talked. She told me how she got my number. She told me her relationship with Sam. She asked a lot of questions and I told her the truth.

She told me Sam was on his way to meet up with her, and that she's going to confront him. I'm not going to lie, hearing this stung me. All this time I thought when we weren't hanging out after work, he was probably heading home...

The funniest question Janet asked me was, "Are you 33? Are you recently married and working at xyz?"

Because that's what Sam told her when she asked who was I. Can you believe it? I'm a 33 years old newly wed according to Sam. 

I spent the night crying.

Sam led me to believe we were a couple with a future. He did things I thought was the sweetest. He went above and beyond what most guys did for me in the past. He was sweet, charming, funny. He was essentially, the perfect package for me.

And, it turns out, it was all a lie.

He cheated on me. He cheated on her. I was a side girl.

Being played and cheated on is the worst way to end a relationship. This hurts more a regular break up. I mean, sure, Sam and I have only been seeing each other for a few months but it sucks to think that these past few months were based off of lies.

To know that we walked into the gym, eyed me up and down and chose me to be his side girl?

After all those times I pestered him (when we first talked talking) if he has a girl and he said no. When I joked about how I can't believe nobody wants to date him and how he's still single. When I told him I really like him and he said same. When he called me babe and send sweet things.

It hurts. It hurts that all those times he could have confessed to me he was in love with another girl. It hurts to know that he deliberately and continuously lied to me from the start. From the moment we said hi at the gym.

It hurts to know that he will choose her over me. That he essentially cares more about her than me. And it stings to know that he spends the night at my place, and the moment he leaves, he calls her on his drive back home.

It sucks to know that Janet lives ten minutes away from me (by driving). It sucks that when he was naked in my bed, he was probably sending a message to Janet (and vice versa).

I feel like an idiot right now. We talked about the future a lot.

He never once did anything to doubt we weren't moving into a serious relationship. 

At the same time, I can't even imagine what Janet feels like.
I wasn't just a one night stand or a casual fling. I was someone Sam developed strong feelings for. Image being in Janet's shoes and knowing that your boyfriend of 1.5 years has treated someone so well that she believed they're moving forward.

I can't say I'm the biggest victim here. Janet is the biggest victim here. She's the one that is hurting the most. But I'm hurting as well.

It just sucks to know that Sam is trying so hard to repair the relationship with Janet when he hasn't spoken a single word to me.

But, Janet and I have been talking. We've answered all there is about each other relationship with Sam. If anything, Janet and I can be true friends. It's weird but it happens. I'm not mad at her and she's not mad at me. As a matter of fact, Janet and I share a lot in common in personal experiences and interests.

It disgusts me to know how easily someone can lie to someone lie that. How easy it is to go up to a girl and blatantly tell her, I enjoy the single life, I'm single AF. It's disgusting to see how easy he can spend a night at my place and spend the next night at Janet's. Or all those times he led me to believe he's out with his friends.

How do people lie so much and so easily without any remorse?

So...

My heart isn't broken again but it's bruised. Being played like that really hurts to the point where I feel like I'm going to be so hesitant about any future guys.




All this anger and hurt inside me has subsided. I feel like I can forgive him soon.
I'm happy Janet called me. I can't imagine how much pain I'd feel if this continued on for several months.

Right now,

I'm meeting up with Sam tomorrow so I can get things off my chest and he can return a card.
And after that this weekend, Janet wants the three of us to meet up so the truth can come once in for all. And after that, I'd be deleting Sam's contact info and social media.

Aaaand,

I'm going to take all the interviews I can to get a teaching position overseas. I'm going to work towards my TELF certification and just get out of this town. I'm so tired of having my heart kicked around in town, and I've made enough excuses to stay in this town already.

And, to the perfect timing, I get a month vacation to China and Hong Kong to just dick around, shoot photography, and have fun. That's the best way to get over someone.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

I FINISHED MY BACHELOR'S!

On Wednesday, September 14th, 2016...

I finished my last final exam of my undergrad and applied for graduation.

Which only means one thing...

I finished my Bachelor's.


I finished my last research paper on Monday and wrote my exam on Wednesday.

Oh my god, it's so weird to know I'm done... I mean, sure, I didn't get the confirmation email from my school yet but the fact that I'm completely done is insane! I don't know what to do with all my free time since I no longer got school!


This is one hour before writing my exam!


And, of course, my license is close to expiring so I had to get it renewed... after tears of happiness of handing in my final exam, haha.

So, what are my plans right now?

I'm going on a month vacation right now.

But once I come back, I'm not sure if I should...
a) go back to school and get a diploma in Web Development (6 months program)
b) start my HR career
c) complete my certificate to teach English as a Foreign Language and move abroad for a year or so....

I hope my vacation clears up my mind in deciding what to do...
But for now, I'm enjoying the free time I have and looking forward to jumping onto that plan soon!