Monday, October 24, 2016

I'm over it. I'm alright.

I’m writing this with a few hours left to spare on my VPN service before I gotta suffer the next few days without being connected to the world.

Sometimes during my trip, I thought about taking down my previous post about Sam and how he played me. I thought it might have been a little too personal to share online and it might even be embarrassing, but then I felt… I want to remember this event in my life. I want to remember how I felt about Sam and how I felt about Janet. I mean, sure I could leave it in draft mode but the OCD in me would get very annoyed by that.

I purchased a VPN service during my time in China because we all know about the lack of internet freedom there. I found out Snapchat doesn’t allow you to add friends if you’re behind a VPN server. Early into my trip, I saw a notification that Janet added me on Snapchat and I wasn’t able to accept her until I was in Hong Kong (which was about 2.5 weeks after she sent me the request).

At this point, I thought, alright, Janet probably just wanted to keep in touch with me. She was so disgusted and angry at Sam, I believed her when she said she wouldn’t take Sam back and I think she made the right move. I’m not saying this because I dislike her or anything, I’m saying this because I think Janet doesn’t deserve being cheated on by a lying scumbag, and Sam deserves to lose us both.

When I finally added her back on Snapchat, she was quiet for a few days before uploading her stories. At first, it was just random stuff like food, nails, everyday life, etc. Just a few days ago, I watched her story and saw pictures of gifts, love notes, big rose bouquets but I didn’t think anything of it – I thought, maybe her friends are still trying to cheer her up, or maybe she found someone new to date.

Regardless, I didn’t look into it. Eventually, another day passed and another story came up.

Well, guys…

Janet and Sam are back together.

And I know, I assume you think I’m bitter over it or jealous.

But, in all honestly, I’m alright. I thought I would feel hurt or jealous but I’m not. I guess this one month away from all the drama made me get over Sam real quick. I forgave him, I felt indifferent about him and then I started feeling angry (way before I saw those snaps).

I get it. I get that it’s hard to walk away from someone you love. I get that you want to work it through and it’s not my position to say anything because I don’t know the two of them. But, if anything, I’m just disappointed that Janet went against her words and took Sam back when he didn’t deserve her one bit.

I don’t think this relationship would last. They had a lot of arguments before I was in the picture. Regardless of how well Sam is trying to make up for his mistake, I think Janet will always have doubt in the back of her mind. She’s always going to be reminded of me and what Sam and I did together. If she gets over it, hey, happy couple, but personally, I don’t know many people who could ever get over being cheated on that badly.

If anything, I’m more annoyed/pissed off that Janet has the audacity to add me on Snapchat… during the time the two of them probably got back together. It’s like… alright, so you guys fixed your problems, what do you still want from me? We obviously don’t have the common interest of disliking Sam anymore… sooooo… why are you adding me on Snapchat?

Are you using it to keep tabs on me in case I get in contact with Sam? Are you using it to rub it in my face that you and Sam are together again?

Kendel told me it’s a female thing to be very competitive. Sadly for her, if her motive was to prove a point to me, it’s a little too late… my dislike for Sam leaves no room for any sympathy or interest in a pathological liar anymore and her constant need to upload videos/photos of the two of them together isn’t working on me.

That being said, deleting Janet off my Snapchat and her number off my phone marks the end of this “dramatic” event of my life. Whatever they want to do, whatever they want to argue about or pretend I never happened in their relationship is up to them. All I know is that, I’m happy, I’m alright, and more importantly, Sam has no power in ever hurting me or making me jealous again.

Side note: I don’t care if this makes me look petty AF but Facebook came through with this news article right at the time I discovered about Sam and Janet’s reunion (bonus points: Janet lives in the suburb of Burnaby). I passively aggressively shared it on my Snapchat for Janet to see.

Update: After writing this and just moments before I was about to delete Janet off Snapchat, she uploaded something new to her story. Curious to what it is this time, I opened it.

… she screenshotted her conversations with Sam and uploaded them on Snapchat. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that happen on Snapchat before and it made me cringe. I told Kendel that it’s obvious she’s trying to shove it in my face, or she’s so insecure about the relationship, she needs the world to know how happy they are… because I did remember reading a few articles about how couples that overshare themselves on the internet are insecure and generally unhappy. If you read the messages Sam sent, it reeks of desperation. I would feel uncomfortable receiving those kind of messages. It seems that Sam needs to constantly remind Janet of his feelings or she’d run away again.

Regardless of what her motives were to add me on Snapchat, I promptly deleted her. I’m still on vacation so I don’t know if she’s going to keep in touch with me when I get back home.